apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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