You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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