I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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