I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
