The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
