final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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