this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's official drugs can't kill me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
