People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
