thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
