Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
