Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
