So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OPIZZABONMYDICK
whose parrot is this?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
