she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
