so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
