When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
