unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
