Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
