after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
