oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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