singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
