What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
