What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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