low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
