He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
