And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bring me that man meat
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
