I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
