how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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