I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
