if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
too bad you live with your parents still
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
