I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
