She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
