last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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