If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
