From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's always time for handjobs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize