he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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