There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize