The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
