I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
