i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
