something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
