and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
