Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
