Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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