I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize