We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
