we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize