Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
