I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so let's talk penis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
