I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
