i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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