But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
