I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
