sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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