is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
