I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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