I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
