took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
