I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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