Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
