Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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