Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
