Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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