You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
