me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
