so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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