am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
