The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
