Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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