I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
